Amidst the chaos and to do lists of planning a wedding, it’s easy to get caught up in cake filling flavors and first dance songs and lose sight of what got the two of us to this point – standing together in front of everyone important in our lives and entering into a life long covenant.
It is inevitable during the engagement period that countless people want the story of how you met. It most often comes up in casual conversation, so I give the casual answer that we met through mutual friends. While true, it only scrapes the surface. In the interest of being real, I’m sharing it here. I’ve fought back and forth with over sharing, but our story is what shaped us as a couple and I feel it is testimony to how God uses all things for good.
In the summer of 2005, fresh out of college, I got married. We dated all through college and it seemed like the next step in our relationship. Two years later, just a month past our second anniversary - and seemingly out of the blue - my life changed drastically.
He wasn’t happy. We should have never gotten married. It was a big mistake. He wanted a divorce. Words that cut me to the core and gave me a slap of reality all at once. He left. At the urging of our families, he agreed to a separation and counseling.
The months that followed were the most difficult of my life. I was extremely selective about who I shared the news with, in hopes that we would work things out. Keeping up the façade that everything was ok was one of the most exhausting things I’ve ever endured.
Yet even in the darkest days, in my desperation to save the marriage, there was a light. I did a lot of reflecting and praying about what got us to this point. Where was I to blame? It wasn’t pretty. It was convicting and so freeing, all at once. For the first time, sadly, I began to see my own faults as a wife and to learn what marriage means and requires. Those lessons are some of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received.
We had little to no contact and after only a handful of one sided counseling sessions, divorce papers were filed and I was told to expect a call from an attorney. I felt like a failure. I was angry. It didn’t seem fair I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to work on fixing what was broken. It seemed everything I had learned about marriage and being a wife was for nothing.
The time had come- I had to tell everyone that I was getting divorced. I dreaded it, but ironically, the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could breathe again. Eat again. Live again. Don’t get me wrong – there was pain. But the weight of carrying it alone just about broke me. I’ll never forget the weekend nearly all the girls who stood beside me at the wedding dropped everything to come into town and spend time with me. We drank coffee on the porch, got pedicures and watched football. I felt so loved and supported in those first difficult days moving forward.
One of these same girls flew in from San Diego to come stay with me right after I came clean about what was going on. She flew back out again about a month later. On that visit, she wanted to meet up with a college friend for a drink before we went on with our evening plans.
She encouraged us to swap numbers, because he knew tons of people in town our age, and Lord knows I needed to get out and meet some new people. So, when he called me to hang out with some friends, I went. We started spending a lot of time together – we became great friends. After months of telling everyone that he just wasn’t my type, on January 25, 2008 we went on our first date. Although it was early on, I felt so comfortable with Matt- I knew there was something really special about him. Yet, he never rushed me or pressured me. Any time I had doubts about moving forward, he was quick to let me know that he would back off and wait for me if that’s what I needed.
This was not how I planned my life. This wasn’t even how I planned my divorce! I was going to be single and fabulous. I certainly wasn’t looking for a relationship. Traveling and a new apartment downtown- I was going to embrace the hand I was dealt. But then Matt came along – and he was the best hand I was ever dealt.
Things weren’t easy. I had no idea of how long I, we, would be dealing with my divorce. Betrayals came to light. My joint house with my ex-husband wouldn’t sell. Matt was laid off. Every step of the way, he handled it beautifully. Took the high road. Bent over backwards to help me in any way he could. His love for me has always been an action and-over time- restored my confidence in marriage. People often ask if there was a moment that you knew that person was who you would marry. There wasn’t one for me – there were a thousand.
One particularly painful thing about getting divorced, especially so young, was the feeling of being unlovable, used. Who would want me? Especially when there are so many great girls that don’t have the baggage I do? At one point, I remember asking Matt, “Does it bother you that you will be my second husband?” and him responding, “I don’t care about being the first; I care about being the best.”
On April 19, 2010 he asked me to be his wife, and now we are five days from our wedding. In the past three years, my fears about marriage were stilled. From the ashes of something that was broken, God made something beautiful. It wasn’t my plans, or my timing – it’s far better. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I pray I am found faithful.
It is inevitable during the engagement period that countless people want the story of how you met. It most often comes up in casual conversation, so I give the casual answer that we met through mutual friends. While true, it only scrapes the surface. In the interest of being real, I’m sharing it here. I’ve fought back and forth with over sharing, but our story is what shaped us as a couple and I feel it is testimony to how God uses all things for good.
In the summer of 2005, fresh out of college, I got married. We dated all through college and it seemed like the next step in our relationship. Two years later, just a month past our second anniversary - and seemingly out of the blue - my life changed drastically.
He wasn’t happy. We should have never gotten married. It was a big mistake. He wanted a divorce. Words that cut me to the core and gave me a slap of reality all at once. He left. At the urging of our families, he agreed to a separation and counseling.
The months that followed were the most difficult of my life. I was extremely selective about who I shared the news with, in hopes that we would work things out. Keeping up the façade that everything was ok was one of the most exhausting things I’ve ever endured.
Yet even in the darkest days, in my desperation to save the marriage, there was a light. I did a lot of reflecting and praying about what got us to this point. Where was I to blame? It wasn’t pretty. It was convicting and so freeing, all at once. For the first time, sadly, I began to see my own faults as a wife and to learn what marriage means and requires. Those lessons are some of the greatest blessings I’ve ever received.
We had little to no contact and after only a handful of one sided counseling sessions, divorce papers were filed and I was told to expect a call from an attorney. I felt like a failure. I was angry. It didn’t seem fair I wasn’t afforded the opportunity to work on fixing what was broken. It seemed everything I had learned about marriage and being a wife was for nothing.
The time had come- I had to tell everyone that I was getting divorced. I dreaded it, but ironically, the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I could breathe again. Eat again. Live again. Don’t get me wrong – there was pain. But the weight of carrying it alone just about broke me. I’ll never forget the weekend nearly all the girls who stood beside me at the wedding dropped everything to come into town and spend time with me. We drank coffee on the porch, got pedicures and watched football. I felt so loved and supported in those first difficult days moving forward.
One of these same girls flew in from San Diego to come stay with me right after I came clean about what was going on. She flew back out again about a month later. On that visit, she wanted to meet up with a college friend for a drink before we went on with our evening plans.
She encouraged us to swap numbers, because he knew tons of people in town our age, and Lord knows I needed to get out and meet some new people. So, when he called me to hang out with some friends, I went. We started spending a lot of time together – we became great friends. After months of telling everyone that he just wasn’t my type, on January 25, 2008 we went on our first date. Although it was early on, I felt so comfortable with Matt- I knew there was something really special about him. Yet, he never rushed me or pressured me. Any time I had doubts about moving forward, he was quick to let me know that he would back off and wait for me if that’s what I needed.
This was not how I planned my life. This wasn’t even how I planned my divorce! I was going to be single and fabulous. I certainly wasn’t looking for a relationship. Traveling and a new apartment downtown- I was going to embrace the hand I was dealt. But then Matt came along – and he was the best hand I was ever dealt.
Things weren’t easy. I had no idea of how long I, we, would be dealing with my divorce. Betrayals came to light. My joint house with my ex-husband wouldn’t sell. Matt was laid off. Every step of the way, he handled it beautifully. Took the high road. Bent over backwards to help me in any way he could. His love for me has always been an action and-over time- restored my confidence in marriage. People often ask if there was a moment that you knew that person was who you would marry. There wasn’t one for me – there were a thousand.
One particularly painful thing about getting divorced, especially so young, was the feeling of being unlovable, used. Who would want me? Especially when there are so many great girls that don’t have the baggage I do? At one point, I remember asking Matt, “Does it bother you that you will be my second husband?” and him responding, “I don’t care about being the first; I care about being the best.”
On April 19, 2010 he asked me to be his wife, and now we are five days from our wedding. In the past three years, my fears about marriage were stilled. From the ashes of something that was broken, God made something beautiful. It wasn’t my plans, or my timing – it’s far better. I am blessed beyond what I deserve. I pray I am found faithful.
He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm
147:3
“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the
LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
5 comments:
What a great post! I am so happy for you and matt and can't wait to celebrate with you this weekend!
You should warn pregnant people before writing something as beautiful and heart-warming as that post, Bride! So lovely, and I'm so glad you shared it! I'm off to the restroom now to clean off the mascara from my face...
what a wonderful story of redemption and restoration. so glad for you, Erin! and best wishes for this weekend!!
That just makes me love ya'll that much more! I'm glad you shared :)
I'm so happy you shared this! You have no idea how your strength and faithfulness is a model of Christ to all of us who know you well. What you and Matt have is so special!
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